The need to write you a letter was felt from the day I felt your absence which was probably just a week after someone brave, braver than I asked for your love. The things that I told you I can never take back, but the irony is that none of them was really directed toward you. I was in a daze, a daze that was supernatural as well as real as it felt to be. I thought everything was going right. And then came the days and then the nights, the fear of losing you even after losing you already. Today I do not want you to answer any of these that I eventually send you, I just want my brain to glean whatever I could not tell you. Death would appear acceptable only after that. Target something, they say and you well did that, target so that the previous destinations seem undesired. I could not do that. When I was writing the scrapes of separation and smelling things that I would never want to smell again, I felt the journey to be unbearable. Everytime I felt I cannot talk with you, it suffocated. I stopped thinking so.
Today I want you to listen to all these rants and ruminations and in a way, I do not even want you to. Probably you are still in your quest to achieve newer gazes through novel eyes and I would prove to be a mirror of an ungazable memory. Nostalgia is unexpected here and passed time, as beautiful as it were, is also unwanted. I cannot tell you how I wish you were everywhere that I was going, but that is only for me. I see you in many places, exotic and more, I feel a weird sense of jealousy, I know that you know I am jealous, but I never knew. With you I felt the best man and I know that was a fallacy, a logical fallacy, but too late to have understood that. I dream of wishing and of desiring a chance meeting you in an airport or a coffee shop or in a place more unthought of. And then you would steal gazes or avoid eyes. The Social Network presents you really differently and I feel more nailed, more coffined. That I will ever be able to speak with you or rather you will feel like talking to me and invoking a regime of wrong and bad, is a far of idea but it knows you better and not this unavailability.
